Some subs think that by staying quiet, they would stay out of trouble with their Masters. It may work sometimes but there are occasions where the Master wants an opinion or want to exchange some ideas. Keep in mind that Communication is very important in a D/s relationship, so listen and learn from him.
Just as the proper words enables you to reframe the manner you know yourself and the world around you, it also enables you to appreciate and flourish in your position by using the appropriate form of language.
A sub should never use language expressing personal power, status equality, or manipulating a situation unfairly. Phrases such as “I want”, “I think”, I need should never been used. Instead you should say “I would like”, “I think we should”.
Remember, when your Master asks for your opinion, it is a gift to you and you should respond with gratitude.
As such, a sub should never willingly or in any scenario use foul language. The speech of a sub should be simple, demeaning and reflecting a disciplined nature and language.
Your Master may soap your mouth or devise another penalty for you if your language represents bad deportation or provides you with more authority than is suitable.
Only if your Master asks you to talk dirty to him, or repeat phrases such as “I am your slut” or “I am your fuck toy, I was made to be fucked by you,” then obviously it is alright to do so.
However, in everyday communication the classier a slave keeps her language, the better for her and her Master.
Most people think of BDSM as just sex and spankings and it blows my mind how far from reality this can be. It goes much deeper than physical and sexual. In fact, the deepest you get into a Dom/sub relationship, you will find out it has nothing to do with sex at all.
Trust, obedience, service, and connection are the elements that make it a practice of the soul. As a Master, you will want to expand your submissive’s limits and edges but realizing that it can’t be forced. You must really listen to your sub, reach deep into the core of the psyche.
As the Master’s submissive, you have great value to him, and he is worth much to you. The experience of having a woman open herself so fully, without hesitation, changes his inner nature, making him strong and loving at the same time.
If he is a good Master, he will teach you and give you the confidence of wanting to give and not take, to serve and not demand, to trust and not fear, to share and not hide anything from him.
When you bow before him, wearing his collar as a signal to the entire world that you belong to this man – not because you were forced but because you want to bring him great honor. That’s when the real commitment starts.
Never underestimate the power of giving pleasure, but mean what you are doing all the way. You are one now, and making him happy should fulfill you with joy. As a joined couple, Master and sub, you create a new entity; a reality which requires both of you for it to exist.
Remember, you are the one making your Master ¨Complete¨. He can’t take you for granted; if he chose you is because you are giving him what no one else in the world could and in his eyes you have great value. Likewise, his training, his love, his security, and his strength complete you also. As such, you will learn to regard yourself as the Master’s treasure and he yours. When you see each other in this way, the soul joining that occurs makes your relationship rare and beautiful.
Read what I have to say, it might be helpful with the adventure you are about to begin.
I wish someone would have helped me when I chose to become a Mistress. Unfortunately, I had to learn on my own and of course made many mistakes along the way.
In case you are seriously thinking on having a D/s relationship with you as a Master/Mistress; there are things you have to learn and be prepared for.
There are urges, thoughts, and fantasies in the beginning. The urge to possess, the thought of excitement, the fantasy of controlling. This can be exciting but also very challenging. Impatience is one of the biggest challenges. Nobody likes waiting, it requires a strong will and to hold back what you long to possess. Self-discipline is the key! You may wish you could act on impulse, but you have to realize that to do so would be irresponsible and could harm your submissive. No Real Dom would want to break the heart and soul of another, nor damage their flesh and body. The body is for pleasure and everyone’s soul should be kept intact. Yes, you may want to immediately bring chains, whips, strapons to the table; but you can’t! Being careless with someone else will only cause mistrust and disrespect towards you. As a Dominant, there are things you should keep in mind to control your urges.
Examples might include:
* Value yours submissives gift of Trust. * Be honest to yourself and your partner. * Listen (both verbal and non-verbal). * Honor and respect the submissives well being first & foremost. * Take it slow, admit what you don’t know and be open to keep learning. * Consequence matters, no matter what the intent was. * Leave your ego at the door. * Be Responsible!
I will continue giving you advice to become the best Master/ Mistress that you can be.
On dating sites, submissive women receive a lot of messages, many from very crazy men. Here's how to cope:
Post a non-provocative picture. Women with pics are far more inundated with messages. You better keep your photos to the private album, so you need not be faceless to everyone. Don't post a pic of a fetish model, unless it's you.
Be descriptive in your profile text. Don't be that girl who either has nothing to say or lacks the courage to say it. Try to answer three questions: What are you like, as a person and a partner? What would your ideal match be like, as a person and a partner? How do you envision your ideal relationship? Keep adding to and adjusting your profile text over time; it can take a while before you're pleased with how it reads.
Request a message keyword. Append a request like this to your profile text: "When messaging me, please start your note with the phrase 'golden eye' so I'll know you read my profile."
Immediately block anyone who's rude, without responding. When a dom contacts you, you're a stranger to him. Genuine doms are respectful to strangers and especially respectful to kinky strangers. Don't feel bad about blocking a jerk; it's best for you both. And don't get into arguments with jerks!
Read profiles and reach out. In my experience, women who initiate contact turn out to be much more interesting than those who wait for guys to make the first move. And doms like to be approached — it makes us feel attractive and powerful! Don't take it personally if you don't hear back.
Use an anonymous account for email correspondence. I've found many women give out their primary email address after a short dating-site exchange. It's safer to give someone you haven't met an anonymous email which you only use for dating or kink purposes.
Don't video call until you've met in person. Make voice calls and share photos that protect your privacy until you've met face-to-face.
Let a prospect earn your trust over time. Genuine doms are patient and sensitive and concerned about their partners. They're not in a hurry to be addressed as "Sir", give you orders, punish you, or "own" you. They recognize that you wish to put yourself in an extremely vulnerable position in a romance and that you need to get there gradually.
Be very patient! If you're looking for people to play/scene with occasionally, that's not so hard to find. But if you're seeking a long term partner it will take time.
For various reasons, people choose a BDSM lifestyle. It might attract somebody because of a book, a magazine, a film, a friend heard about it, etc. To experiment with command, most people like BDSM. A Mistress as a Master enjoys being in charge, having control over others and having authority over them.
Why do submissives like this lifestyle?
It can be very interesting to have control over your life or your body removed for a submissive. Whatever the safe word you can use to end the scene, the uncertainty about what will be done to you ; still has a psychological effect.
It is a very "free" experience to surrender control to another individual while accountability is often stressful. By giving up liberty, a submissive may feel "liberated" from accountability and thus freed, if only for a time, from the stress it entails.
Why is this lifestyle like for Dominants (alpha)?
Having control over the life or body of another person can feel very powerful. It can be very interesting to know that you now have authority over someone else, and not only voluntarily but voluntarily submit to your will.
So now that we established what the Dominant wants and what the submissive needs, let's talk about TRUST. For a submissive, being able to Trust someone so deeply that you are willing to literally put your life in their hands is very romantic. For a Dominant, having someone in your life who is willing to give you that kind of Trust can be profoundly moving.
Another major element of BDSM is Fantasy. We call it role-play; one is in authority, the other is impotent. Probably the most prevalent types of BDSM out there are fantasy and role-play because it has such an apparent attraction. Even individuals shocked by bondage and D/s can generally see in the bedroom the attraction of role-play.
Last but not least, there is the remaining element of BDSM ; the pleasure of inflicting or suffering (frequently known as S&M). It performs BDSM's control elements as well as fantasy elements. A BDSM scene often involves the submissive being "punished" for some reason by the Mistress / Master and may also require a fantasy to justify it.
You want to know how to find someone to experiment with and maybe have a relationship with?
No matter what sort of person you are looking for, finding a BDSM partner is difficult. It's a lot of work. It's even more difficult to find someone who is into similar BDSM activities as you - especially since it's not something you share openly. It's hidden and secret. And the people who are looking for you? Don't know how to find you either.
Let's say you want to explore a playful, perhaps sexual relationship with D/s or BDSM aspects to it. So, you are looking for a casual playmate. These sorts of relationships can be anything from a trusted person within the community that you play with at public parties, or someone that's a Friend with Benefits and you play in private. It can also be anything that neither of you are looking for long-term right now.
Looking for partners in this situation might be easiest on the local and not so local BDSM community. If you are a part of the community you can find people to play with and that the leaders of the community trust or that have a good reputation. A lot of play happens between strangers at a play party, so even if you don't attend regularly, try to get to the parties to meet people. Regional and National events are also good places to meet people and possibly hook up.
This can apply to long-term ones too. People looking for lasting, lifetime relationships mingle in the same places as casual players. So don't forget to go where the people are that have common interests.
In this age of online dating, the large dating sites like eHarmony and Match are also places you can find people with BDSM or D/s interest. It may not be quite so obvious and you will probably have to weed through more people who quite obviously don't fit into what you are looking for but it is still possible to find someone who you connect with on all levels and make that lifetime commitment.
Since what we do behind closed doors is generally not talked about in casual conversation, don't be surprised when the man you met at the garage sale or the lady sitting next to you at church that you asked out on a date turns out to have some kinky interest. People interested in BDSM are everywhere. It will probably require you to be a bit more open with people as you date and explore relationships as to what you are looking for but it isn't an impossible feat. The world is full of people with happy, healthy BDSM and D/s relationships.
What about LeBDSM? LeBDSM is a BDSM exclusive dating website. You can login, create your profile, add your pictures and wait for someone to contact you. It's FREE. There are a lot of people for personal ads and hooking up - both for short-term casual flings and long-term relationships. This working very good for women, If you are a man you should probably try a silver of gold plan on the website to be able to contact first.